Jane The Virgin, 3.03 - "Chapter Forty-Seven"

Warning: SPOILERS IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED.

Hey guys! I can't believe I've barely had this blog for a week and I'm already behind on my reviews, lol. I didn't get the chance to watch the past two episodes of Supergirl to talk to you all about, and I will try asap to update, but I did manage to see Monday's episode of Jane the Virgin. Now that you know the backstory of my relationship with the show, let's dive right in.




This week, the "virgin" part of Jane the Virgin is finally gone! After two seasons of buildup, the moment has finally come - literally. (Sorry, I just had to.) It's really strange to me that Jane is so excited to have sex - we've never even seen her consider the possibility that she might not like it, or she might not be good at it, or that Michael might not be good at it. By the way, is Michael a virgin too? Because if his first serious relationship was with Jane, that must mean he hasn't gotten any in a while. Anyways, it turns out that Michael ISN'T good at it, because Jane ends up faking her orgasm. And while Jane claims it's because of nerves and overthinking, I wouldn't actually be surprised if Michael just sucked at it. (Sorry, I just had to yet again.) He doesn't look like the type of guy to have a strong d*** game, especially when you compare him to Rafael - yes, I am still bitter. Ok, have you all seen Justin Baldoni's perfect abs and his perfect face? Now THAT looks like someone who would be fantastic at sex. Not relevant, sorry - the only other thing about it is that the actual scene seemed rushed. Yes, I know it's the CW and they would never show anything super explicit, but they immediately started making out and the next thing we see is them lying in bed with the covers over their private parts. After all that anticipation, the actual scene is quite short. Oh well. The less of Jane and Michael together I see, the better. At least the animation was cute, albeit strange.

Jane accidentally records their first time and sends it to her writing professor out of all people. Fortunately, they use this as a learning opportunity (in more ways than one) and realize that the puzzle piece missing from Jane's romance writing is experience. Jane tries several ways to spice up the bedroom experience, the funniest being lube that ends up burning her privates. It also turns out that Michael has eaten her out before, and other oral activities are implied, which is really f***ing weird. The concept of sex and losing one's virginity only applies to sticking a dick in a vagina? Sorry, nsfw here, but....it's so weird to think that Jane was okay with Michael having his mouth on her but not inside her.

ANYWAYS. Xiomara struggles with her singing career after she gets rejected from The Voice, and begins to seriously contemplate alternate careers for the first time. Ok, I love Xo, but how has she managed to support Jane for over 20 years if all she wanted to be was a singer? If Alba was an illegal immigrant, how did they manage to get a nice house? I aspire to have as much economic stability the Villanuevas have with their non-existent careers, I really do.

Moving on to my favorite part of the episode - the CW's self drag. Rogelio's telenovela gets picked up by an American network the Villanuevas have never heard of, the CW. We see Rogelio visit the CW studio, adorned with The Flash and The 100 posters in the background. "A superhero for every weekday?" Rogelio exclaims excitedly. "You guys are programming masterminds!" Well, there was no shoutout to Arrow, but at least they acknowledged the universe that brings in the ratings. It sounds perfect - until Rogelio finds out they want to cast Rob Lowe in his part. "Who cares?" Rogelio says dejectedly afterwards. "Nobody's heard of this network anyway. It's the armpit of American television." Now, I don't like the CW's tendencies a great majority of the time, but Jaime's delivery of that line was pure comedic gold. And it's true - the CW is smaller than most, and good ratings for them mean horrible ratings for the major networks. At least they acknowledged their irrelevance, too.

Meanwhile, Luisa has been spending her time in a submarine with Rose, who had made up Susanna's identity to discard of police evidence against her. Luisa is still clearly attracted to Rose, but she knows that logically, Rose is a murderer who can't be trusted. I love Bridget Regan and Rose as a character, but I do wish Jane the Virgin would've let their few LGBT+ characters be in healthy relationships. It's hurtful, and damages how people look at us. In the end, Luisa decides to go back to Rafael and confess the truth. Rose says she's done killing for good, but ends up murdering Mutter, Rafael's biological mom and former drug dealer. Rafael realizes her plan, but alas, it's too late.

This was a decent episode, albeit underwhelming. The show has a tendency to randomly bring back characters when it's convenient. For example, Lina was pretty prominent in this episode, and we haven't seen her ages. Now that I'm on the topic, Jane needs more female friends. Lina and Jane are one of the few healthy relationships outside of family and Michael that Jane has. We need more of her all the time!! Also, where the heck was Petra? Her story is such a major plotline, but it was completely glossed over this episode. Are we just supposed to assume Anezka didn't do anything devious this time around? There wasn't even anything foreshadowing disaster for Petra in the ending sequence. In conclusion, Rogelio, Petra and Rafael still deserve better, and I'll start really enjoying this show again when they get their rightful appreciation.

Rating: 8
Extras that didn't make it in: Her cockblocking family knows best. I mean, she shouldn't be married to Michael. There, I said it. She shouldn't. Also, was this shorter than my previous review? Because I feel like it should've been, but I still typed a lot of words.

*My next review will probably (finally) be of Supergirl! See you then! Also, I'm getting busier and busier these days, so I apologize for the delay.